Fiona's

 

 

That was a humid summer afternoon. Sitting at first row in front of all friends and family, my back was completely soaked of uneasy sweat. Though the weather wasn’t that comfortable, it couldn’t be blamed on my being heavyhearted. In fact, it was all about her, one of my best friends who was lying in a coffin with flowers around. It was all about this losing-someone-important-to-you thing that has drained my tears for the entire of my life. I was so devastated. How could she choose to leave this world without a proper good-bye? At least, I was the one who really care about her and we used to be such good friends.

We chose to perform this service at my hometown since her father was not going to attend. Even though I have read lots of books and heard so much about how to deal with death, I still feel the pain and knew this could never be as easy as what professions said in books. What has been hidden beneath this already-got-over-it smile is smoldering deep in my heart and even a spark can lead to furious fire. I know I need to let it all out.

Losing somebody may cause some lachrymose moments but losing the love of your life, it can be a long road to retrieve every piece of your shattered heart and put it back together to move on.

My dear, I still remember those happy summers we spent at the beach house of yours. France, you told me it was one of most romantic country in this world, and a perfect getaway from the dour cloudy days in London. But dear, how could you forget to take me there when you decided to leave? You said you could never party without me. How could you...

August, 13th, 2046.
San Paul’s at Leeds.
Ash to ash, dust to dust.

Holding a bouquet of white roses in one hand, I put the other above my eyes as I looked through the glare of the sun. A gust of wind just blew, taking away some petals from my roses. I smiled as seeing them twirl in the air, as beautiful as snowflakes in winter. I knew it were you. You came to see us one last time. You came to say good-bye.


================================================


那是個潮濕的夏季午後，坐在第一排的位置，不安的汗水浸濕我的背。就算今天的天氣並不舒適宜人，但也不能作為我心情沈重的理由。事實上，全都是因為她，我最好的朋友，現在正躺在眼前的周圍佈滿花朵的棺木裡。這關於失。去。一。位。很。重。要。的。人的事讓我失去所有，流乾我這一生所有的淚水。現在的我，只剩絕望。
她怎麼能連一句道別的話語都沒有，就這樣離去？至少，我是她最好的朋友。

在得知她的父親不打算出席時，我們決定在我的家鄉舉行追思儀式。儘管我已經讀了許多有關生死的書，並學了許多正確面對死亡的方法，我還是感到如此的痛，也許一切都不會如書上專家所說的，那麼輕鬆簡單。
隱藏在我已。經。走。出。陰。霾的微笑之下，是那依舊在心底隱隱作痛，只需一個小火花就能撩起的巨大傷痛。
我很清楚，我必須將一切都釋放出來。

失去某人也許會伴隨一些悲傷的時刻，但失去生命中的摯愛，那將會是一段漫長的路，直到你將每一片被撕裂的心重新拾起，再拼湊回去。

親愛的，我依舊記得每一個與妳一起度過的愉快夏日。
法國，妳說那是世界上最浪漫的國家，也是當妳厭倦了倫敦陰鬱的天氣，最佳的去處。
但親愛的，當妳決定離開時，妳怎麼能忘了將我帶上？妳說過沒有我妳就無法玩得盡興。妳怎麼能...

八月十三號，西元2046年
里斯，聖保羅教堂
塵歸塵，土歸土

我一手捧著一束白玫瑰，一手放在眉前，抬起頭望向刺眼的陽光。突然間吹起一陣風，帶走了幾片白玫瑰的花瓣。看著它們就如冬季美麗的雪花，在空中旋轉飛舞著，我笑了。我知道那是妳，是妳來看大家最後一眼，是妳來跟我說再見。

--written and translated by Fiona