Fiona's

Sometimes I got this feeling as I was just like Meredith, haunting most of my life by certain psychological complex and couldn’t find a way to pull the lost spirit out from this life labyrinth built on our own. I guess this certain kind of self lost can help explain why I used to act like a coward; rather to flinch back instead of facing the truth.

This drama is called “Grey’s Anatomy.” But I wonder if I have just gone through the same process of anatomizing myself as seeing how the story developed in Meredith Grey’s life. She defined this symptom as “Incapability of Love.” I guess I might be able the find this same symptom diagnosed on my medical report. We were educated how to live, how to survive in real world but how come none of us can ever have chance to be taught how to love. Love is one difficult course that I am still learning as a freshman, thinking when can be furthered to the intermediate level.

Seattle is a city famous for its rainy days. The weather there is just as unpredictable as life. No one will be able to foresee what’s waiting ahead. We live everyday of our limited lives with regrets. How can we ever be blamed for these mistakes which were mostly just out of innocent accidents? We spent too much time on contrition. As what is sang in Anna’s song, life is like an hourglass glued to the table. There is no rewind button for what we have done. So why immerse your poor heart in remorseful moments?
Just find yourself the courage to carry on.
Just release all the burdens on your shoulders.
Just breathe...

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這是一種很奇妙的感覺，在別人的故事中找到與自己人生相似的轉折，而後又以旁觀者的心態走完這整個故事。
這種自以為的雷同處也許只是一種自我對號入座的心態，但我必須坦承，當女主角終於找到勇氣對男主角說出“Pick me. Want me. Love me.”時， 這樣的告白真的有感動到我。從前那個對愛失望的女孩，在這緊要的關頭總算沒怯懦，坦誠的面對內心最真實的聲音。
可是在感動之餘，回到現實之中，自己卻還是那個每每在面對感情時，就會膽怯鬧彆扭的膽小鬼。要誠實面對內心真實的聲音，時至今日我還是做不到。對於真正關心的人們，想表達的總是說不出口，最後就只能裝沒事般默默的走開。
其實，我是真的很喜歡你唷。
這樣簡單的一句話，最後總是只能成為在心裡的一聲嘆息。
我想我需要像Meredith一般的勇氣，能找到一種方法放下過去在心裡的遺憾，坦然的面對感情。
從悲傷中抽離，然後找到一個繼續的理由...



這是劇中我很喜歡的一首配樂，人生就像歌詞所說的，有許多無奈的時刻，很多時候，我們就只能面對，just breathe...

”Breathe (2 AM)” by Anna Natlick
http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=CP5mFTq6vv0&feature=related

2 AM and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake,
”Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season”
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You’re all here for the very same reason

’Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
”Just a day” he said down to the flask in his fist,
”Ain’t been sober, since maybe October of last year.”
Here in town you can tell he’s been down for a while,
But, my God, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I’ll just sing about it.

Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There’s a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.